Sanity is the New Skinny

But the more I tried to control my body by restricting my food intake, the harder my body would rebel. I was either “eating perfectly” (aka sticking to whatever diet I was on) or eating everything in sight and there was no in between. After every binge I would promise myself that tomorrow would be different. Tomorrow I would wake up and stick to my diet and finally stop binge eating. This went on for years. I felt trapped in an endless cycle that was taking over my life. I would frequently cancel plans, hide under baggy clothes, avoid being in pictures, and isolate myself from the world by staying in bed all day. I was a shell of my former self, going through the day-to-day motions but not truly living.           After years of struggling, I finally decided that I couldn't live this way anymore, and I sought out help for the first time. First in the form of reading every book out there about the topic and doing all the online research I could find. Then in admitting to myself that I need professional help and finding the right team who could help me. It took years of going through different physicians, psychiatrists, therapists, nutritionists, and coaches, but eventually I found the right team.            After 2 decades of disordered eating, I have found complete peace with food and my body. I no longer binge. I eat like a “normal eater.” I can have all my previously forbidden "binge foods" in my house and eat them freely when I want without the urge to eat all of them in one sitting or compensate by dieting or over-exercising the next day. My life has opened up beyond what I thought was possible. My relationships have gotten deeper, I found the love of my life, my career is blossoming – and, let me tell you - it had NOTHING to do with losing any weight.          I thought for so many years that I was the exception. That other people could recover from disordered eating, but not me. I really thought that I was going to binge eat every day for the rest of my life. I told myself that if I was ever somehow able to stop bingeing and be free from my food struggles that I would commit my life to helping others do the same.